Stretched Thin

I've told you before that this is a blog about my life just as much as it is about my art.  My artistic efforts are one segment of my life, and an important one.  Without creating, I wouldn't be me.

Some days its been hard to have enough brain power and inspiration to create.  My husband and I have been struggling to keep up.  Not with the Jones', but the bills - the demands of life.  He has his regular job which pays most of the bills, but those bills keep increasing.  (i.e. Rent just increased in the fall.)  He has a creative mind, too, and
started engineering for his own electronics business.  If you know anything about starting a business, you'll know that it takes money to do so, and typically wont seen an income for at least two years.  Its finally starting to pay some of its own bills.  Its an investment for the long-term.

I also have been trying very hard.  The paycheck that he brings home takes care of the bills but there are still other things that we need that it just cannot cover - medical copays, repairs, school supplies, gas, activities for the kids, etc.  That's why I started Rachel's Cozy Knits & Designs.  But I had NO startup funding and very little consistency in sales.  Its still growing and I'll keep working on it.  I've adapted my shop from the original focus, finished knits and handspun yarn, to graphic design, pattern design, and project bags.  It's still very much fiber-craft themed and will remain so as that is my foremost passion in art.  I do a lot of artsy things, but this is my love.  That I am able to bring in my graphic design training is absolutely awesome.  (While I never finished my degree, that was my focus in school.)

I am still plugging away at it, but just as my husband's business it is slow to grow.  So I accepted a daycare job from a friend; I watch her kids before and after school.  This gives an actual small-but-steady paycheck which has been helpful.  I've been able to fix some major (to me anyway) things around our apartment that needed fixing.  It obviously takes time and attention to watch kiddos, and also to fix up our home so a lot of my brain power has been going to that.  Unfortunately that means I'd not been able to focus on writing patterns, so I have a few in limbo.

My desk: before cleaning

My desk: progress made, though not finished

In January, my already ill step-father got pneumonia and passed away.  I went to California help my mom for a week.  Next, our tax return (that we usually pay off bills and make any necessary large purchases with) was too small.  Shortly after getting that news ferret told me it was time for her to go, so I made the appointment to send her over the rainbow bridge.  Then a few days ago we got a huge hospital bill from when my husband had a pulmonary embolism and heart failure last year.

Sigh.

It just keeps coming.  We're over our head and stretched thin.  But we're not quitters.  Instead I lean on my Faith in God and keep pushing through the hard times.  We will get through this.  I don't know how; I don't know what's at the end of this valley, but I do know what is at the end of this path. 

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

This last week I've had to do the hard task of cleaning up after my ferret; throwing out her unusable stuff, donating others.  But that also left something we're desperate for; space.  So I rearrange the area that she had been living in, trying to make the best use of the recovered space.  As much as anything else the overwhelming clutter has been setting off my O.C.D. anxiety.  I've been trying to throw stuff out or organize it where I can.  The problem is that a lot of it either isn't mine (A.D.H.D. makes for very messy kiddos) or it is long term project items that I just can't get to/through quickly.  I need more storage space to (at minimum) get stuff out of my sight so I can work on just a bit at a time.

More patterns are coming.  More bags are coming.  I promise!  I have actively been working on new graphic designs and special orders.  I am making efforts improve my schedule and write in this blog more regularly.  I just needed to take a moment (or several) and explain all that is going on behind-the-scenes.

Managing the chaos of my everyday life, and my elastic sanity, is a kind of art, too.  ;)